hope falls into the ground

hei,back with me again,hufff i lost everything,i lost my study,i can't make my parents proud of me,dihonor my family name,the girl i love totaly diffrent :( , i lost everything,i miss when everything is allright,i miss my girlfriend smile :( ,her smile is my medicine,had thought if she finds better man who take care of her,can make her smile everday,can love her like the way u love her,can make her happy everyday,can understand her,who can take responsibility fo her and for her family, i will let go of her,i want she looks happy :),i wanna see people i love happy even make me hurt,i don't care as long she happy,i feel like idiot u know,i can't make her smile again :( ,why???? everytime i fall in love i always be the jerk?i can't make people i love happy,only suffering the get :( ,what shoul i do right know?